Achieve Your Dreams!

Last updated: Sun, 04 Sep 2005 12:01:00 GMT

Mmm, mythvertisement.

A couple of weeks back, as I was climbing the stairs to the gym, I saw a bunch of fliers pinned to the wall in a "please take one" kind of way. So I did. Personal trainers. The guys were obviously value-adding and hoping to boost their earnings. Good for them, I wish them well.

I was toying with the idea of booking myslef a consultation as I scanned the leaflet, and I noticed an amusing factoid. According to the author, "85% Of people who use a personal trainer achieve their dreams!" I wasn't amused by that claim so much as my first thought, which was "But what if I dream of marrying a unicorn? I guess the other 15% of the population must want to marry unicorns, too." And there, I'd spent my life thinking I was alone.

I giggled all the way to the scales, where I learned that I weighed a fat-tastic 84Kg. I forget what I weighed all those weeks ago when I started this particular cycle of torture and self-loathing, but I know for a fact it wasn't much more than three or four kilos more than I weigh now.

Bollocks. All that work, so little gain. Or loss. But I can hear my cartoon conscience saying "Imagine how fat you'd be now if you hadn't done all that exercise!"

Still, I had my medical, and they didn't laugh too hard. The doc said "You could do with losing some weight, but you're within normal parameters." Cool. Then I wrote her a cheque for £400.

I'm still going to the gym, but I'm stressing less about it. I'll be submitting my application to the New Zealand Immigration Service this week.

I wonder if they have unicorns over there?